ADULTS BOYS & GIRLS

The woman in this story is not given a name. The effect of this is two-fold:
it makes her anonymous, not an identifiable historical person
the writer can then more easily make her a symbol of ideas and attitudes.
Despite her lack of a name, the adulterous woman in John 8:1-11 is curiously real.
What the story is about:
The story of the woman taken in adultery is about the appropriate way for Christians to respond to sinners. It is also an extension of the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 7:1-5, ('You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye') which urges us to look to our own faults rather than complacently focusing on the faults of others. The story falls into three sections:
WOMAN TAKEN IN ADULTERY: REALITY TODAY1 The scene is set, with time and place (John 8:1-3)
It is early morning, and Jesus is at the Temple, ready to teach whoever comes to listen to him. Some respected Jewish leaders bring a woman to him. She has been found guilty of adultery
2 The dilemma, and Jesus' response to it (John 8:4-11)
The leaders (scribes and Pharisees) challenge him to find a solution to a problem: what is to be done with this woman, who has been found guilty of adultery, a capital crime? Jesus parries their question by asking them, in essence, to examine their own consciences to see if they themselves are guiltless. One by one they leave, and Jesus tells the woman to go, and not to sin again.
See end of this page for historical background to this story and information about women's lives.)
Note for this gospel passage:
The story of the adulterous woman is quite different to the rest of the material in John's gospel, and more like the Synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark and Luke).
The Synoptic gospels tell relatively straightforward stories to illustrate Jesus' teaching. They are full of episodes, stories and teachings - one can imagine them being dramatically acted out and told as stories.
John uses a different writing technique. He wants to show that in Jesus, God is united with humanity, and his gospel is full of discourses, ideas, and profound theology.
Because the story of the adulterous woman is an almost visual narrative, many biblical scholars believe that it was a later insertion and did not form part of John's original gospel. They suggest that it was a particularly popular story about Jesus that for some reasons had not been included in the first three gospels, but was placed in the fourth gospel some time after John had completed writing it, virtually by popular demand.
THE SCENE IS SET
We are in Jerusalem, and it is not long before Jesus' own death. This is an introspective Jesus that we see, not the vigorous man who roamed the countryside of Galilee teaching anyone who would listen. This man knows he is in danger, knows he is surrounded by enemies. But instead of doing what the rest of us would do and heading back to Galilee and safety, he has come right into the hornet's nest and faced the danger head-on, in the Temple. His presence here is a tacit statement that he will not back down from what he believes. (To get an idea of what the scene would have been, go to the Temple reconstructions, floor plans and information at BIBLE ARCHITECTURE: JERUSALEM. Look especially at the Courts of the Women and of the Gentiles).
It is early morning, and the place is only beginning to stir. There are not many people around, not the crowds that will gather later in the day. In this muted atmosphere, in the great open courtyard of the Temple, he is approached by a group of people. They are the scribes and Pharisees, the educated people of their day, cautious, law-abiding, and economically prosperous, most of them lawyers and civil servants of one kind or another. They have worked hard to get where they are, and they take their responsibilities seriously. One of these responsibilities is maintaining stability in a society that is more than a little prone to instability. It is not easy to do. There have been frequent rebellions against the Romans, who take a savage stance if there is any trouble: the Roman practice is to first kill anyone who looks rebellious, then ask questions later. These scribes and Pharisees, much denigrated in Christian literature, are in fact trying to maintain the status quo as the Romans breathe down their necks.
They see Jesus as a threat to stability. He constantly challenges the traditional authorities and appears to have a gang of followers who accompany him everywhere. He disregards the normal Jewish ritual laws about eating by sitting down to meals with known law-breakers. With Passover now approaching and the crowds flocking to Jerusalem, he must be kept in check. Any hint of rebellion at this time will bring down the wrath of the Romans on a lot of innocent heads.
One way of containing him would be to discredit him as a teacher. If he is given an insoluble dilemma and fails to find a solution, his position of moral authority will be undermined, and people will be less likely to flock around him as they are now doing. This will diminish the danger he poses to himself, to them, and to others.
WOMAN TAKEN IN ADULTERY: BIBLE WOMEN; NAKED WOMAN They hit on a problem they themselves are wrestling with: what to do when the Law of Moses and the edicts of the Romans challenge each other. Such a situation arises whenever they are commanded by the Law of Moses to impose the death penalty for a particular offense, such as adultery. The Romans have authorized their appointee, the Governor, to impose the death sentence. No other person may do so. What, the scribes wonder, is the right thing to do in this situation? Follow the Law of Moses which as Jews they are required to do, and risk the consequences? Or sensibly do what the Romans command?
Some-one among them hits on the idea of posing this question to Jesus. They have been arguing about what to do with a particular case, the case of a woman who has been charged with adultery, and would like to hear what he says. It can do no harm to try. But there is also the possibility he will slip up when he responds, and if this happens they can organize some sort of accusation that will remove him from the public sphere, at least for the time being, at least until Passover is over.
They take the woman from her prison cell to the Temple precincts where Jesus is teaching, presumably in the outer courtyards of the Temple - the Court of the Gentiles or the Court of Women would be the only areas she could be taken, since a woman could not go any further into the holy area.
Much has been made of the fact that they take the woman but not the man with whom she has committed adultery, suggesting that the man has not been charged. This is not correct. By law, both parties to the adultery were charged and punished. There was no leniency shown to the man, and in fact Rabbinic law held that he was more responsible for what happened than the woman.
As for the woman herself, it is generally acknowledged that she is a young married woman. Nothing is known of her appearance, her financial status, or her family background. All we can surmise is that she was terrified, disheveled, and hopeless, since she had disgraced herself and her family, and now faced the horrific death sentence.
Stoning was a particularly brutal form of execution, but a strangely logical one in the context of the times. The first stones had to be thrown by the witnesses to the adultery, and then after that each member of the community in which the two adulterers lived had to come forward and throw a stone. The thinking behind this was that, since every person in the community threw stone, no one person could be held responsible for the death of the pair. This was important in a society that practised vendetta, and where pay-back would happen if a killing occurred.
THE DILEMMA, AND JESUS' RESPONSE TO IT

The scribes and Pharisees approach Jesus and present the dilemma. The woman is undoubtedly guilty of adultery, and according to the Law of Moses she should be punished by death. But this cannot be done, since the Roman overlords have stripped Jewish leaders of the power to execute a criminal. What is to be done?
Jesus recognizes immediately that it is a set-up. He knows that if he pronounces the sentence of death on the woman, he is flouting Roman law. If he lets her off, he is flouting the Law of Moses. What is he to do?
Instead of answering, Jesus does something unexpected - always a good ploy. He bends down and writes with his finger on the stone paving of the courtyard. What is he writing? Nobody knows. There have been many erudite theories on the subject, many clever suggestions, but no real answer. WOMAN TAKEN IN ADULTERY: BIBLE WOMEN; BATTERED WOMAN
The point is that he uses the time it took to write, and the act of writing, to unnerve his adversaries - and possibly to give himself time to think of a response, or calm his anger. Remember that he was man as well as God, with all a normal human being's doubts and uncertainties. Many people doodle when they are upset or deep in thought - perhaps he was one of them. He may also have been trying to avoid confrontation by pretending to ignore it, another common human ploy.
But the questioners are not to be put off. They keep on demanding an answer, until Jesus straightens up and faces them. Then he says the direct, devastating words that have shaped so much of Christian thinking: 'Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.'
Then he bends down again and resumes tracing with his finger on the ground.
The authority of his words and presence obviously affects them. They are silenced at last. One by one, beginning with the most respected man among them, they melt away into the gathering crowd. Eventually, Jesus is left alone with the woman still standing in front of him. He straightens up again, and speaks to her. 'Where are your accusers?' he asks. 'Has no-one seen fit to condemn you?' She simply answers 'No-one, sir.'
'Then I do not condemn you either' says Jesus. 'Go on your way, and do not sin anymore.'
Jesus does not condone what she had done, or dismiss her sin as unimportant, or understandable. He knows, and she does too, that what she has done is wrong. But he condemns the sin, not the sinner, and commands her not to sin again. The woman is called to change, but the message is aimed directly at each one of us.
SUMMARY
A woman committed a serious sin against the community, the sin of adultery. It hurt herself, her children and family, and the people she knew. Her guilt was not questioned, nor was it condoned by Jesus.
The point of this story was not condemning the sinner, but calling the sinner to change, to be saved. Jesus wished each person there in the Temple courtyard that morning to see that they themselves were sinners, and that their chief responsibility was to mend their own ways.
Pointing the finger at others has always been a comfortable way of shifting the blame from ourselves. In recent years many Christians have taken to registering shock at social injustice in faraway places. They point to a tyrant in a foreign country or a rich man's greed and thank God they are not like that, ignoring tyranny in their own workplace or family, or their own runaway materialism. This story urges them to examine their own lives and ask how they themselves can be better people.
The message is aimed directly at each one of us.
ATTITUDES TO WOMEN AT THAT TIME
The gospel stories are often discussed as if they happened in isolation, outside the real world. But in fact the events in the stories occurred within a historical context, against a cultural background quite different to our own.
Greek philosophy was greatly admired at the time in the Mediterranean world, and it had a profound impact on the way that people saw their world. One of the greatest philosophers, Plato, proposed the theory of dualism, suggesting that everything in the cosmos had an equal and opposite other. This theory was not to women's advantage, since 'woman' was placed in a category containing elements that were viewed as negative:

Man - Woman
Civilization - Nature
Reason/logic - Emotion
Good - Evil
Light - Darkness

Keep in mind that
Civilization was the ideal; Nature was mistrusted and potentially dangerous
Logic and reason were admired, and emotion was to be subordinated.
Goodness was always preferable to evil.
Light, especially in the pre-industrial world, was preferred to darkness.
WOMAN TAKEN IN ADULTERY: BIBLE WOMEN; YIN AND YANG These are examples only, but they show that Platonic dualism placed women in a negative category. They were seen as closer to the natural/animal world than men. By nature they were irrational and untrustworthy, and therefore unfit to make their own decisions and govern their own lives. They had to be looked after and controlled, never treated as equals.
This differed from the traditional Jewish way of looking at the world, which saw all things in creation as integrated and complementary, rather than as opposites of each other. An example of this is the creation story of Eve, which relates that the first woman was created from a rib taken by God from Adam's side, thereby suggesting that a man could never be fully complete unless he was in partnership with a woman.
Jewish and Jewish/Christian women resisted the ideas of Platonic dualism, which patronized them and diminished their status. While Christianity remained a Jewish sect, the status of women within the Christian communities was high.
But as the ideas of Christianity moved out into the Gentile, Hellenised world, the first Christians found they had to use the Greek philosophical framework to explain their beliefs and be accepted. So Jesus' original ideal of mutual respect between the sexes was watered down and changed. Women found they were given roles that were acceptable in the outside, Hellenistic culture. In doing so, the Christian church stepped back from the radical ideals of the first Jewish/Christians.
Women were still powerful in the private sphere, but were shunted to the side in the public arena. This shows up, for example, in 1st and 2nd century re-tellings of the biblical stories. Where these stories had often had women as central characters, they now focused on men and male activities.
The ideal Roman matron
WOMAN TAKEN IN ADULTERY: BIBLE WOMEN; ROMAN WOMAN An example of this is the story of Moses’ birth in Josephus’ Antiquities (Josephus was a Jewish writer and historian of the 1st century BC).
In the original biblical telling of the story (in Exodus 1 and 2) the baby Moses is saved by the two midwives, (see their story in BIBLE TOP TEN: HEROINES), by his mother, by his sister, and by Pharaoh’s daughter – all, obviously, women.

In Josephus’ retelling of the story written in about 94AD, the focus is largely on Moses’ father Amram. He performs many of the actions previously attributed to the women. Female characters in the story are changed. The mid-wives in Josephus’ retelling
are Egyptian, not Hebrew
are unnamed
are not present at Moses' birth
kill Hebrew babies, not save them.
The basic story of Moses’ birth remains the same, but the female dimension has been lost.
There were reasons for the changes Josephus made to the story. He was trying to counter the anti-Semitism that existed in Rome at the time, so he wrote about Jewish women who behaved like decent Roman matrons! This ideal of Roman womanhood had been vigorously promoted in a ‘back to basics’ program by the emperor Augustus and the Roman authorities.
The ideal Roman woman, they said, was a mother of many children, content with her household duties. She kept to her traditional role, in the home, and did not speak assertively to the men in her family. She did not enter the public world. Most assuredly she did not commit adultery, or even place herself in a position where she might be suspected of adultery.
For additional information on the lives of women in the Bible, see

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Bobby from Gainesville, Florida, writes, "I am pretty sure that I am a victim of my wife's adultery. I haven't made an effort to catch her. I have tried to talk to her about it and she denies it. Despite the fact that I'm not perfect, I feel I give her the things that she needs emotionally and physically. She has also admitted that I completely satisfy her. How can I find out why she is committing adultery and what should I do about it?"
--
Adultery can have disastrous consequences on the relationship, particularly the impact it will have on your children, if you were to get a divorce. Thus, you are doing the right thing by trying to find what the reasons are so that something can be done about it. While you feel that you are doing everything that a good husband is supposed to do, there are still several reasons why a woman might resort to adultery:
1. She lacks moral values
2. While you feel that you provide her with what is needed, she feels otherwise
3. She has just met someone who is more desirable than you in certain respects and she cannot help it

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1. If she lacks moral values, there is not much you can do. If you confide in a family member or someone at the church, you should do so immediately. It is also a good idea to indirectly influence her thinking that adultery is immoral and not conducive to a strong marriage. This can be done by elderly family members or friends.
2. Only your wife can tell you if she is not getting from what you need. A marriage counselor and/or therapist can help both of you communicate better with each other so that you can better understand what is missing from your relationship and how you can work together to provide it.
3. There is very little that you can do if she has found someone who is just better than you. In our society, when one meets someone better than the current spouse, most people want to move on. However, it seems that in your case, since she is not admitting to adultery, it is clear that she does not want that relationship to become public and she wants to stay in the marriage with you (for whatever reasons). Thus, unless you have solid evidence of her adultery, you cannot even confront her. Hopefully, she will soon realize that adultery was a bad idea and will end the relationship. (Related: Approach a woman in a relationship)
Finally, please do not forget that you still do not have solid evidence of her adultery. While it is difficult to keep a relationship a secret for too long, she might be able to do it for a while if the man is cooperative and discreet. But there is no reason for you to go crazy trying to collect evidence since you will become too preoccupied with it and destroy your own life till you catch her. If she is committing adultery, the truth will soon come out.

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Are you out of practice with the skills you used to have? This class focuses on strength and flexibility while learning exciting gymnastics skills. Suitable for all ages and skill levels. Receive more personalized attention in this class.

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Few sports provide the variety of benefits that gymnastics does. Strength and flexibility are physical attributes that are beneficial in all sports. From enhanced performance to injury prevention, the benefits of gymnastics are numerous. Gymnastics is often a cross training sport for martial arts, swimming, diving, dance, and more. The discipline, self-confidence, individual responsibility, and sense of teamwork learned are positive attributes in an endeavor and will last a lifetime

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Boys and Girls Missionary Challenge (BGMC) is the missions education emphasis for children in the United States who attend churches affiliated with the General Council of the Assemblies of God. The program provides resources to help teach kids about missions and supports General Council missionaries in their fields of ministry in the United States and around the world. It is the official missions giving program of the General Council's Royal Rangers, Missionettes, and Sunday School programs, as well as Christian primary schools affiliated with the General Council.

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The Boys & Girls Club is a positive place for kids! The Ogdensburg Boys & Girls Club was established in 1964 by a group of people that believed a place was needed to serve boys of the Ogdensburg area to provide them with educational, recreational, social skills, and other positive traits. Admitting its first ever girl member in 1975, today the Ogdensburg Boys & Girls Club serves over 1,000 boys and girls a year from Ogdensburg and throughout St. Lawrence County.

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Hi,
I found out from my wife 3 months ago that she had comitted adultry with a friend of hers that she had been building a friendship with over the past 6 months or so. All of the lies that she has told me about situations that came up, and I found out long after the fact that she indeed did lie to me. I've been struggling for the past 3 months to work out our marrige, I even suggested a counselor ( which she did not want to go see, she said she didnt think it would help ) . I'm tired of running around "checking" on her when she's at her girl-friend's house, or at work, or is some other place she says she will be. It frustrates me even more when she says she is going somewhere and I find out she is not there.
Or when I can't find her for multiple hours on end. I try not to think that she is meeting this other "guy" somewhere, but I always think she's seeing him behind my back. She tells me she wants to try and work it out, then I find her at his house " just saying hi". Or a cell phone bill with many many text messages sent to his cell number after I asked her to stop talking to him.
Her latest thing is she told me she sent him a letter saying she wanted for him to stop trying to contact her, and that she needed towprk on her marrige. What can i do ? How am I suppose to fix this? Any input is appreciated.

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Hello,

I have found that the key to beginning to repair a relationship damaged by adultery starts with:

1) the affair ending. That include ALL contact. No stopping by to say hi. No sending text messages. No emails. Nothing.

2) being totally honest.

You can't heal if you are constantly being rewounded. The cheater needs to show some sincerity behind the words "I want to work on this." That HAS to include ending the affair.

But that is just the first step. Trust has been severely damaged. As long as she continues to lie and be deceptive, you can't have any peace of mind. Honesty may bring more hurt initially because you may find out things you didn't know, but eventually it builds trust because you know that you can work through things, you can confide in each other, and that you will be where you say you are.

Counseling can certainly help- IF YOU FIND THE RIGHT COUNSELOR. Not every counselor agrees with your view of the problem and how to best tackle it, so if you agree to seek counseling, interview the counselor first and find out what his/her approach will be. Know that it USUALLY will get worse before it gets better and hang in there.

Good luck,
Laura Giles

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My marriage is OVER, I am just waiting for him to turn in the paperwork to the court to get a date. So there is this friend I have known for many years and I am sure he is interested. So I don't want to have sex until my divorce is final but how far is ok? My hormones say "all the way" but my morals say "your still married"?

You are still married, whether it's emotionally over or not. Thus, it *IS* adultry! Period. No if's and's or but's.
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So what?

(No disrespect meant, bkg, but I feel very differently about this issue...)

It is certainly true that you may not be emotionally ready to deal with having sex with someone this soon after your breakup--but that is a separate issue from the question of whether it is morally acceptable to have sex with someone with still legally married.

My belief has always been that the only meaningful moral guidepost is the question "would this action cause harm to anyone"? If the answer is yes, then you have to ask yourself very seriously whether the pain or damage you'd be causing would be balanced by the good the action did in others ways. (For example, it might be morally correct to turn in a criminal, despite the fact that you might cause him or her to end up in jail, because you'd be protecting other people from his or her bad actions.)

But if the answer is no...the action wouldn't harm anyone...then is there really any meaningful moral reason not to do it? Broadly speaking, I think not.

Granted, this is grossly oversimplifying the very complex question of morals/ethics, but all in all I think it holds true.



Couple of things. First, I am very honest and blunt, so I apologize if you take any offense to waht I'm about to say.

You are still married, whether it's emotionally over or not. Thus, it *IS* adultry! Period. No if's and's or but's.

Also, your morals are MUCH more important than your hormones! The fact that you are struggling with this answers Pic's question: "are you ready?" I'd guess no.

Now is not the time to dive into another relationship, whether sexual or emotional. Take some time and heal. Everything that I've read suggests that the rebound breakup is harder than the divorce.
picadilly: Don't think of it as adultry. If you're correct & all your waiting for is the papers to be handed in, then think about it as "are you ready"? Your hormones may say one thing but what do your emotions say? How long have you been seperated? If it's less then a couple months, I would say your not ready to start a relationship this soon after. If this is purely for sex, then the choice is yours.

But if your thinking of starting a relationship, don't. Wait. If your not completely healed from the scars your marriage left you, you will ultimately make the same mistakes with this person. Chances are not good at any rate. But if this is just sex, remember that "just sex" can lead to emotional ties & a crutch you will lean on during your divorce.

And if it ultimately fails... you may lose a good friend, sometimes there is no going back once you cross that line.

Think before you do anything, & good luck.
After my X and I had seperated, I was with a friend of mine, a friend with whom I'd had a long time relationship with while HE was married although we hardly saw each other while I was married. We had never had sex before, until I was seperated from my husband. I do not look at that as adultery because the marriage was done and over. Papers we in the process of being filed. My X had 2 affairs while we were married. In RI you can not file on grounds of adultery, otherwise I would have! I think a lot of it depends on how you feel. These are just my thoughts. I hope you find them helpful

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adultry is referred to as infidelity or unfaithfulness within a given relationship. adultry is voluntary sex between a person in a relationship and someone other than his partner or between a single person without partner and someone in a relationship
Heart
Reasons for adultry - why does adultry occur in relationship ?

Please also read the text: Who is responsible for adultry - who to blame for adultry ?

There always is good reason within any relationship where adultry by one of the two or both occurs. The reason is very simple:

Any loved partner always stays with the source of his love. is the chosen partner closed to give love - hence denying love to his partner or is the partner rejecting love from his partner - then a situation of spiritual stress and distress occurs - and a situation of adultry is created.

adultry occurs

* When denial of love occurs - hence when one partner denies to love in FULL his partner
* When rejection of love occurs - hence one partner willing to give all love, to be a source of happiness and fulfillment for the other, but that other partner rejects any love or part of the love offered.
* When a combination of both above occurs - rejection of love and denial of love to some extent at the same time.

A human being is kind of like a light bulb ! The purpose of eternal being of any and all human is to be happy.- To be happy however requires a constant flow of love. Flow of love again requires being connected ! Connected to his partner. Happiness is the result of FLOWING love - flowing through all body, mind and soul - metaphysical TRUE love - beyond physical touch, beyond food and drinks, beyond a mere talk or "i love you" - but real energy of love flowing through BOTH like in a closed circuit - however it is a triangular circuit as shown below in the graphic of divine communication - the "third party" is God !!
divine relationship god - husband - wife

Above partners are glowing of love - happy inside and outside because fully connected to the source of love - God and to each other.

Such being connected needs

1. both partners being fully willing to GIVE all love in all various POSSIBLE forms of love
2. both partners being fully willing to ACCEPT all love offered in any and all possible forms of love

With other words - adultry occurs only if a partner refuses to meet the other partners true and divine needs for love and for having someone to give love.

Every partner needs the FEELING of being loved and also needs the feeling of being love worthy by having a partner willing to fully absorb all his love. Rejected love results in a feeling of loneliness and worthlessness by the one whose love is rejected.
Heart
Flirting - first step of adultry
Heart

If love is rejected by a partner - then the one wiling to give is helpless, feels worthless, useless and hence searches for what God gave him - a fully loving partner, one willing and made to truly love, absorb all love, prove love, prove loyalty and ready to share eternally.

If a partner denies to be a full source of love then the one partner without love feels disconnected - empty, a life empty of love, a day without being loved many times, a day without having someone to love many times every day - such days are wasted days.

In God's creation however nothing is wasted - nothing is ever planned to be wasted. Every being has a divine birth right to be loved and to give love - every second of his eternal being !!!

With such knowledge deep inside - every person being abandoned or neglect by his partner searches a substitute source of love - one who gives all and accepts all love - to reconnect again and feel happy, lovable and love worthy.
How to prevent adultry
Heart

By being willing to give all love and to accept and absorb all love. By being fully open for his partner and being an eternal "playmate" of o divine love - a divine source of fulfillment of any dream and wish the partner ever can or could have. By saying YES to all needs of love of his partner and providing all love needed to fulfill all such needs instantly and in full.

Of course all such loving each other includes sexuality in all aspects at any time of eternal life !
Guilt of adultry
Heart

In God's creation is never guilt - but responsibility.

The one refusing to give all - is responsible for the other one needing another partner. Hence if ONE part refuses to give ALL the neglect one has a divine right to leave, divorce and shall have a new partner loving him as planned by God.

The same applies to the one rejecting love - hence refusing to FULLY absorb all love from the one willing to GIVE all love. If a person rejects love - even only for hours a week - then he causes severe emotional AND spiritual stress - and has to accept full responsibility for what he causes and has to give his partner freedom to divorce and to find a new partner willing to absorb all love.

If both are ready to change - if both are ready to fully absorb all love and give all love - if both are ready to be a source of infinite love, happiness and satisfaction for the other - then there always is an opportunity to heal a relationship.

Else both shall take responsibility for being together with the wrong partner and bot shall accept full responsibility for THEIR very own future and leave the other in peace and friendship - surrendering the partner to God and prepare for a new relationship in love.
Sin of adultry
Heart

When you ask if adultry is a sin - then lets have a look at what sin means:

"An offense against religious or moral law - or also an offense against laws set up by God."

Since there is no sin in God - but painful experiences - there shall be neither guilt nor judgment of any kind. But both shall learn for their future and open in full for the future relationship if marriage breaks apart and divorce becomes necessary.
How to heal damage occurred from adultry
Heart

Full forgiveness requires full readiness to GIVE love and to make happy. If both simultaneously are ready to give all and to accept all then all love needed to heal is flowing. Love is the only way to heal. True loving partner have NOTHING at all to forgive - because whatever happens always and instantly is dissolved in divine love - hence at any given time of eternal life there always is nothing but love between both - between both and all creation and between both and God as well !

Having something to forgive would be a proof of lack of true love in the one who has something to forgive - because forgiven can only be what still is existent and carried in the heart against another person.

When both have realized in full their own part of mistakes - because almost all the times both contribute to a substantial part to the situation leading to adultry - then when both are ready and willing to accept full responsibility for their part of the damage caused - it will be easy for both to learn, to make a decision of love for that partner and dissolve in love all past.

If in one or both such readiness for reconciliation is missing - missing partially or totally - then there never was true love in that relationship from that person and instant divorce is the only solution. In all such cases both have to fully accept responsibility for their own part and carry all their own expenses for a peaceful divorce. Both have to grant and give instant freedom to the parting one.

No single person can forced another one to accept his love or give him love. Here on earth being in a wrong relationship is part of the "price" we all pay for being drifted away from God.

In all such cases both have made the mistake to prove instant and full love from the very first day of their relationship.In any and every situation of eternal life ALL partners are to prove love every day in full again and again. Every person has the right to receive in full all love possible and also has the right to have a partner willing to fully accept and absorb all love offered to him.

Failure to give such proof and failure to accept such proof from the very first day is a mistake by each and both partners involved. Proof of love can be made within one day and refreshed every day again and again. It is the responsibility of each one to make sure he KNOWS to have the right partner with the right motive - to love and nothing but to love is the only valid divine reason and motive for any and every relationship !!
How and why to prevent adultry

Love one another - in full and eternally !
Heart

God has made but one law - to love each other - to love all

To love one another requires both to be fully open for each other in both direction. adultry is the result of one or both having neglect the first and great commandment of LOVE !! And hence both have to accept full responsibility for any spiritual damage caused to the other and if necessary to give full freedom without any decompensation of any nature and kind.

We all are made to love - hence we all are made to be fully "connected to our partner" - to be truly happy by making happy is our divine nature - sooner or later we have to learn to love. To learn to love in full - made to the image of God however only is possible in a love relationship where both say YES to each other - in FULL. adultry of ever changing partners never can provide the same "field" of experiences as our very own God given partner ever can be. It is our divine eternal nature to stay together with one partner eternally - with the one and only. Here on earth we are preparing for that by learning to be a source of happiness, a source of fulfillment of all wishes. Here and now on earth we learn this by practicing divine sexuality with a fully open heart and soul - open for each other and open for God at the very same time.

If we fail to dissolve in love the resistance our ego is creating then we simply fail to prove true love and may attract additional - usually painful - lessons until we have developed true and sincere readiness to LOVE like a true child of God !

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Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her legal partner.

It is almost universally recognized as grounds for divorce in the US, and is a punishable offence in some states. The legal definition of adultery varies: in some states both parties have to be married (to other people); in others it is adultery if the woman is married but not if only the man is married, and so on.
This article is © Research Machines plc 2009. All rights reserved. Helicon Publishing is a division of Research Machines plc.


How to thank TFD for its existence? Tell a friend about us, add a link to this page, add the site to iGoogle, or visit webmaster's page for free fun content.

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Sign of Affair: I Fell Out of Love...
and just love being in love

If there is one front-and-forward excuse for infidelity it is: " I fell out of love."

This usually means: I no longer feel sexually attracted to you (I'm sexually attracted to someone else, for now, at least.) Or, I need to spice my life with giddy emotional highs and intrigue every so often.

Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and patterns.

Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7.

And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.

One kind of affair I write about in my E-book is called, "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love."

Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:

1. Hang on to your seat. This may be some ride, much like a thrill ride at Sandusky. There will likely be many ups and downs, spiced with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go through his gyrations may leave you somewhat dizzy. He will give his all to this new-found "love" and at other times might find his way back to you.

2. Typically you will struggle with being ignored and feeling rather awful that you can't provide the "love" this other person seems to provide. You might find yourself questioning your capacity to "love" and your desirability. His affections will obviously be centered on that other person.

3. He may want to tell you about this other person. Not only might he want you to know about the other person he may desire to share with you some of the details of this relationship. He might want you involved. This creates an intense triangle that juices the drama. (Most classical love stories are dramas, complete with a triangle; he "falls in love" with the forbidden or unattainable princess. Often the drama ends as a tragedy - Romeo and Juliet.)

4. Expect some juvenile behavior such as love letters (e-mail), special names, special promises, secrets only for the two of them, etc. Some of these affair relationships are the result of unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he was responsible for family or beset by some trauma or internally or externally imposed injunctions that precluded him from dating, socializing with the opposite sex, and "falling in and out of love" a number of times, which is so important and vital for adolescent development.

5. You may hear the persistent phrase, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." He may truly "like you" and depend on your stability, goodness and understanding. The thought of losing that may keep him connected with you. His fear of losing that which is stable and enduring may conflict with his need to follow his feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may point to the internal emptiness that stirs up very uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. This is part of the roller coaster ride.

6. He may feel very badly about his "inability" to love you and his "inability" not to love the other person. He may express great remorse for the dilemma. He may profess deep sadness for "hurting" you - but, as you know, he has no control. His feelings drive him. His "concern" for you indicates his superficial understanding of relationships. Or, his "concern" for you may be a manipulative attempt to find an easier exit from the marriage.

7. Expect his feelings for the other person to fade. They will fade quickly if this is a pure "I've fallen out of love (and just love being in love)" affair. The "romance" of adolescent love affairs start quickly and end as abruptly. If, however, other issues come into play, such as, resentment and/or the inability to say no, you have a more complicated situation that takes longer to resolve.

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Generation sexting: More girls are posing provocatively - just for 'harmless fun' (picture posed by model)
Like a real porn star, Becky is heavily made up and lying naked on the bed as the camera flashes. She could be just another glamorous model as she poses provocatively with practised moves. But she isn't. Shockingly, Becky is just 17 and still at school. She's filming herself in a friend's bedroom in a large, detached house in leafy suburbia as her schoolfriends party downstairs.

Becky has not been coerced into this degrading behaviour. She is posing on her own, taking photographs of herself not for profit - but for attention. Welcome to the deeply alarming new world of privileged British teenagers who have a growing obsession with pornography.

I discovered this trend - one which will horrify parents everywhere - during a BBC Radio 4 investigation into online pornography.


As a mother of three daughters aged 15, 14 and 12, I am well aware of the pressures children face online, and the problems adults confront trying to help them navigate their way through them.

Indeed, it was my concerns about my children's online exposure that made me take a closer look at this secretive teenage social world.

It's a world - as I was to discover - where boys often boast about the size of their manhood and their ability to drink alcohol, while girls flaunt themselves shamelessly, apeing the adult behaviour they see around them on TV and in magazines.

My guide into this disturbing universe was a pretty A-level student. I'd come to talk to her and a group of sixth-formers - boys as well as girls - at their prestigious school about the impact that watching pornography may be having on today's youngsters.

I certainly was not prepared to hear they were also producing it.

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Jessica Logan hanged herself after nude pictures were sent around her school. Her mother Cynthia (right) spoke movingly on American TV about her tragic loss



Talking to leading academics, I had already found out that our children are watching a great deal of porn online - some of it hard-core - and that its long-term effects could be damaging. I had also discovered that they are watching it at a very early age, sometimes as young as eight, as the internet beams it into their bedrooms.

Even taking into account the obvious fact that teenagers are prone to exaggeration, it became alarmingly clear to me that most of these teenagers were not exaggerating their involvement with pornography.

'Everyone makes porn - more people than you would expect,' an articulate sixth-former told me matter-of-factly, before describing how her 17-year-old friend had photographed herself.

'Over the holidays, I went to a party with people from my old school and one of the girls was on her bed with nothing on. She had loads and loads of makeup on, so you could see that she'd thought about it.'

This girl had used her mobile phone to capture her provocative poses and sent them on afterwards, sometimes unsolicited, to boys - a disturbing trend that has been dubbed 'sexting'.

'I'm not sure exactly who she sent the photos to, but one of the boys at this school now has it.'

I asked how usual it was for girls to pose provocatively, or even pornographically.

'Oh, it's really common,' she told me brightly. 'Most people who have got a social networking account will have a provocative picture.'
Provocative, I learned from talking to teenagers and looking at their pages, means scantily clad or semi-naked (usually in underwear), sometimes posing sexually, and always pouting suggestively.

'And there's nudity,' the girl continued. 'And it's not normally the sluttier girls who do this - it's more likely to be the shy type of girl who wants to be popular.

'They're the ones who will get easily swayed by boys, because boys want to see them naked, and they think that if they show them themselves naked...'

Several girls told me they were often pestered to send explicit photos of themselves to boys.

'I said no to that,' one confided. 'But I know girls who give in really easily.'

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Jessica Logan posing in happier days. The teenager was a victim of 'sexting'


For the Radio 4 programme, I spoke to children from a range of public and state schools. It is certainly not the case that this behaviour is being perpetrated by those from a deprived background or those who lack intelligence. In fact, it's the privileged, supposedly brightest youngsters who are most at risk.

'What some of today's youngsters are doing is, by any civilised, contemporary standards, obscene,' says John Carr of the UK's Children's Charities' Coalition on Internet Safety.

'It also happens to be illegal. It's a genuinely new problem which is the result of the emergence of new technology together with an increasing cultural tolerance of pornography.

'It's horrifying, and we are only now becoming aware of the full extent of the problem.

'Publishing any photograph of a child - that's anyone under 18 - which is of a sexual nature is illegal. So children who put pornographic photographs of themselves online or share the material via their mobile phones are, technically, breaking the law.'

So far, 90 children in the UK have been cautioned as a result of posting sexual material of themselves or their underage friends online or on their mobile phones.

This is the first generation to become sexually active with the internet, and the internet is playing its part in the process - sometimes with horrifying consequences.

'There was a notorious case not so long ago where a 13-year-old girl took a picture of herself touching herself in an intimate sexual manner,' says Mr Carr.

'She sent it to her boyfriend, who thought it would be smart to send it to five of his friends. Within a few hours, the police reckon, it was on about 1,000 different screens.

'The police managed to trace the girl through the school because she was wearing her uniform. They treated the case very seriously; but in the end they didn't prosecute

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One of the teenage boys I spoke to described the online humiliation of a young friend.

'It can really backfire on you, that sort of stuff,' he told me. 'Recently, a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. The boy was very upset and, as a result, sent a video of her to all her friends.

'Obviously she's very upset about this. I think that this sort of thing happens very often nowadays.'

In the U.S., teenagers filming themselves having sex or posing provocatively are considered to be a legitimate target for prosecution by the authorities.

Dr Samuel McQuade, from the Rochester Institute of Technology in New York, is one the leading world experts on internet safety. He is alarmed by the rapid rise in what he calls 'peer pseudo-pornography'.

'In Connecticut last autumn, a decision was made to prosecute a 12-year-old girl for allegedly having taken pictures of herself without clothes on and sending them to boys of a similar age,' says Dr McQuade.

'And this is not an isolated case. In the U.S., there have been other children who have been prosecuted. And empirical data suggests that hundreds, perhaps thousands, and maybe even more, are getting involved in this.

'Children, who are not educated about the implications of this type of behaviour, are slipping into these kinds of activities. They are egged on by their friends.'

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Today's digital youth culture is not a place for the faint-hearted. As I talked to teenagers, I began to realise that there was more than a digital divide separating us.

What I see as soft pornography, totally inappropriate and disturbing for children to make or pose for, some of them see as harmless, if provocative, teenage fun.

The 'sexting' craze is affecting teenage girls from all walks of lives

The 'sexting' craze is affecting teenage girls from all walks of lives

When boys told me they had been sent pictures by girls of themselves posing topless and even naked, it seemed to most of them a bit of a joke - until I told them that looking at such material of underage girls was illegal.

In the past year, there have been at least two cases where police have been called into schools after footage of pupils performing sex acts has been discovered on their phones. One involved youngsters as young as 13. One of the teenagers I spoke to acknowledged that filming sex sessions does happen.

'It's nothing to do with how you are brought up,' she said. 'It's just out there now.'

David Wright is a leading online child protection officer who was called in to investigate computer use in schools after the Soham murders. He tours the South-West of England talking to parents, teachers and pupils.

He believes that it's often the most well-off children - those with laptops in their bedrooms, digital cameras and wireless access in their homes - who are the most at risk.

'Up to 39 per cent of parents say they have never spoken to their children about how the internet should be used,' he says.

'Police forces tell us that children at most risk online are 11 to 14-year-olds from professional families, all with internet access in their bedroom.

'You might not necessarily classify those as society's most vulnerable, but they're the ones that the police are dealing with on a weekly basis.'

It usually starts at around 11 or 12 years of age. Parents who buy their children computers to help them study at secondary school often recoil in horror as they see them pout, preen and pose for that first all-important 'profile picture' for their networking site.

These pictures are then uploaded to illustrate their pages on networking sites such as Facebook and Bebo. Though these sites have a minimum age requirement of 13, many parents, and most sites, appear unable to enforce this.

And then there's the avalanche of pornographic material beamed onto every computer screen unless it is actively blocked. According to one U.S. software producer, 25 per cent of all the daily search engine requests are for pornographic material, and it's estimated that one in ten of all websites is pornographic.

Much of the internet's professionally produced porn is available free. What was once the subject of an obscenity trial is now just two clicks away.

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Some of the children I spoke to - girls as well as boys - were accessing porn.

Disturbingly, some were deliberately seeking out some of the most stomach-churning material I have ever heard of - material I hope I shall never see - and sending links to each other to view it. As a joke.

It was material that made even this hardened foreign correspondent feel ill. While some of the worse stuff, involving extreme sexual violence, has been outlawed following a change in the law in January, much of it remains free-to-view and perfectly legal.

In the light of this, the 'sexualisation' of young teenage and even pre-teen girls through clothes, videos and music lyrics, and a possible link with sexual abuse and violence, is to be the focus of a fact-finding review ordered by the Home Secretary.

If children see this material around them, is it any wonder that they ape it when left to create their own content?

Search for the words 'porn star' on the popular networking site Bebo and the results include the profiles of more than 21,000 members. That represents the number of children and adults using those words on their sites.

Geoff Barton is the headmaster of King Edward VI School in Bury St Edmunds. He believes that children are living in a society with far too low a tolerance threshold for pornography.

Children are being sexualised far too young, he believes. This is contributing to the emergence of their online sexual behaviour.

'Any school that says it is not an issue for them is putting their heads in the sand,' he says.

'Parents are at a loss. We need to rewrite the parenting handbook.'

At one of his school assemblies, their head of IT reproduced some of the more provocative but clothed online images he could find of some of their pupils in order to shock them.

'We removed their heads from the pictures first to protect their identities, but they knew who they were,' says Geoff Barton.

'What they are doing is very, very reckless and dangerous. But it's all part of the "pornification" of a generation for whom the language and imagery of porn is used to sell everything.

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'In a world where even an ad for Pot Noodle has to be banned for its sexual suggestiveness, how can you expect children to behave?

'It's as if we've decided to give up on the traditional demarcation between adult life and childhood. In the process, we've ditched some of our adult responsibilities.

'We need to teach children how to behave online, how to navigate the architecture of the net.'

John Carr says teenagers who behave inappropriately or obscenely and post their material online could do lasting and irreversible damage to their future chances of success.

'Children feel invincible online. They believe the material they are producing is private. But they are wrong on both counts.

'We've had documented accounts of employers, and universities and colleges, trawling the net looking for information about prospective candidates. This behaviour can have longlasting effects. What goes online stays online - for ever.'

There is so much to lose for these youngsters - from their dignity to their job prospects. So much, in fact, that every parent reading this should check their child's social networking site. If they won't let you take a look at their photos, ask them why.

But perhaps the most precious thing of all has been lost already. And that is our

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Building on a tradition that dates back to 1860, Boys & Girls Clubs help strengthen communities by providing a safe, positive, constructive place for youth. Clubs offer young people ages 6-18 a chance to reach their full potential as productive, responsible citizens by developing ongoing relationships with caring, adult professionals.

To help make that happen, Boys & Girls Clubs of America offers a wide range of national programs in the areas of technology, education, the environment, health, the arts, careers, alcohol/drug and pregnancy prevention, gang prevention, leadership development, and athletics.

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In 1978, parents living in the Delta town of Marvell, Arkansas helped form the Boys, Girls, Adults Community Development Center, Inc. (BGACDC), a grassroots non-profit organization that aims to improve the overall quality of life for the poor, mainly African American residents.[1]

Today, the BGACDC serves as the center of community life in Marvell. Volunteers, supporters, and BGACDC staff work together to achieve goals no one thought possible. Students of the Marvell School District are tutored daily through the Center's after-school programs, units of affordable housing have been built and rented out to area residents, the Center's Best Food in Town (BFT) restaurant offers hot food and job opportunities to the Marvell community and students each year participate in the BGACDC's Freedom School program gaining valuable youth leadership and academic experience.

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The mission of BACDC is to provide social, recreational, economic, health and housing opportunities for low and moderate income residents living in the Marvell School District.[1]

The organization’s vision is to keep the promise of tomorrow by providing family-centered services designed to empower and make a positive difference in the daily lives of Marvell-area residents. The core programs of BGACDC provide increased access to educational and employment opportunities, improved housing, better health care, and enriched education for youth in after-school and summer day programs.

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Youth & Family Development: To support and assist families in the Marvell School District to raise and nurture their children into healthy, capable and caring adults.

Housing Development: To increase the supply of affordable, safe and attractive housing in the city of Marvell.

Community & Economic Development: To create a community that provides individuals and families the opportunity to be economically and politically independent.

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Executive Director Beatrice Clark Shelby received a 2004 Leadership For a Changing World nomination for her work with the Center and the Marvell community.

For her signal efforts on behalf of her community, Beatrice Clark Shelby was nominated for the Robert Wood Johnson Community Health Leadership Award. In 1993, she became one of the award's first group of recipients. Ms. Shelby used the $100,000 that came with the award to build staff and board capacity through workshops and classes in such areas as leadership, computers, the Internet, marketing, bookkeeping, grant writing, and management.[2]

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A Northwestern team has found that boys and girls (ages 9 to 15) respond to language tasks differently. Whereas girls abstract language information in a similar fashion whether they listen or read words, the accuracy of boys' responses depended more on the patterns of activation of their auditory (listening to words) or visual (reading words) cortices.

Excerpt from Science Daily:

"One possibility is that boys have some kind of bottleneck in their sensory processes that can hold up visual or auditory information and keep it from being fed into the language areas of the brain," Burman said. This could result simply from girls developing faster than boys, in which case the differences between the sexes might disappear by adulthood.

Or, an alternative explanation is that boys create visual and auditory associations such that meanings associated with a word are brought to mind simply from seeing or hearing the word."

The second possibility is an interesting one - suggesting that boys (in general, as a group) may file language information more with direct sensory associations (similar pictures, similar words), rather than in more specific word definitions. If this is so, it may account for why girls tend to be quicker at word retrieval than boys (if linguistic information is filed semantically, it would be more easily retrieved with specific language cues).

This gender difference might also explain why certain students have richer associations (vivid experiences,imagery) and when listening or reading stories, while others have more abstract (and perhaps more distanced, at least not directly sensory) perceptions. A number of implications come to mind - could this be why girls prefer personal fiction and boys are more commonly associated with the adventure genre? Could this imply that boys may be more cinematic in their processing style, and could this be why there are more male cinematographers and poets?

The implications for teaching may also be significant - girls may be ready for more abstraction and comparative analysis in reading and language tasks at earlier grades, whereas boys may thrive with more vivid sensory and associational approaches to reading and writing.

Unfortunately this paper is not online yet. We would like to look at the pictures. Hemispheric differences and individual differences would also be interesting to examine.

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It's probably fair to say that John Colapinto has watched his infant son, Johnny, play with toys a little more closely than other fathers. After all, Colapinto was researching and writing "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl," when his son was born in December 1998.

THE BOOK, which became a best seller earlier this year [year 2000], is about Bruce Reimer, who lost his penis as the result of a botched circumcision in 1966 and was raised by his parents as a girl, on the advice of a sex researcher. As Bruce grew up he knew something was wrong with his life as Brenda, however, and he later reclaimed his male identity. Reimer¹s story is often cited in nature-versus-nurture debates as evidence that people are shaped more by their biology than by their environment.

So Colapinto was understandably curious about his own son's earliest expressions of boyishness. He and his wife, Donna, gave their baby a range of toys that included soft, cuddly playthings, as well as cars and planes. Colapinto tried not to stack the deck in any way, though he knew that parents, relatives and friends are always sending subtle signals to children. But, lo and behold, the first word Johnny said was "car." He was given a policewoman doll and was particularly curious about the gun at her side. And the first time he was able to pick up and play with a toy by himself, Johnny chose a plane and made engine noises as he looped the plane through figure eights in the air. In Colapinto's eyes, his son was confirming what he learned while researching his book that much of what makes boys and girls behave the way they do is hard-wired. Says Colapinto: "Clearly it's a reality."

Many parents would agree. Most little boys do play and act so differently from most little girls, and do so from such an early age, that it's only natural for parents to conclude that gender differences reflect something innate and biological rather than the influences of the cultural surround. Freud fueled the notion that biology is destiny, and then the pendulum swung in the other direction in the 1960s and 1970s, as many academics including John Money, a renowned sex researcher who advised Bruce Reimer¹s parents started believing that nurture held the upper hand, and that a person's sexual identity is made not born. Although it can seem these days as if the Zeitgeist is pushing the pendulum back to nature's side mapping the human genome, for instance, brings almost daily pronouncements about how DNA determines the course of our lives in fact, scientists generally agree that gender-specific behavior is a complicated mix of both nature and nurture.

A large and growing body of research shows that there are some behavioral differences between very young boys and girls, but they are relatively small, particularly in light of the wide variations of behavior within each gender. Accordingly, many experts in child development say that parents should provide their children with a range of experiences beyond those that are gender-stereotypical. Many of the behavioral differences between boys and girls are in the eye of the beholder, after all. Adults describe newborn boys and girls very differently, according to a widely cited study in 1974. It showed that parents, especially fathers, generally described newborn girls as softer, finer-featured, smaller, weaker and more delicate than boys (a follow-up study in 1995 also found evidence of gender-stereotyped perceptions). As children get older, parents, especially fathers, reinforce gender roles by encouraging activities and play with toys that are gender-specific. Parents talk more to their young daughters, give them less autonomy and encourage them to help others, while encouraging boys from an early age to express certain types of emotions but not others, like fearfulness. In the famous (among scientists) "Baby X" studies in the 1970s and 1980s, researchers introduced to parents infants who were "disguised" a baby boy in a pink dress, for example. Then the scientists observed how the adults treated the baby. When they thought the baby was a girl, they brought "her" dolls; with a supposed boy, they brought "him" a truck. "It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because adults treat the kids so differently even when they're not aware of it," says Phyllis Katz of the Institute for Research on Social Problems in Boulder, Colorado. "It's hard to disentangle the part that¹s really there from the adult's socialization of the kids."

Your Child: Birth to Three.

Researchers have found differences, though. Michael Lewis, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, believes that both nature and nurture play a role in a child¹s development. But he noted that one study has shown that when a barrier is placed between 1-year-olds and something they want, young boys are apt to try to knock down the barrier, while girls are more likely to seek help from their mothers. "I don't want to say boys are active and girls are passive," says Lewis. "It's more that girls are active in a social sense and boys are active in an autonomous sense. Although biological reasons may account for some of these sex differences, it's very difficult to disentangle the effects of nature from nurture. Both are likely involved. We know that [people] behave differently as a result of a child's gender." Differences in behavior also tend to become magnified when children of the same gender play together in unstructured settings. Boys, for instance, often engage in higher-energy activities and show less compliance than girls, says Jeanne Brooks-Gunn of Columbia University¹s Teachers College.

Experts suggest that parents should be careful not to push their children too strongly into gender-typical behavior. "By giving children opportunities to participate in all kinds of activities, you're going to wind up with children who have the freedom to choose what they¹re good at and like doing," says Claire Etaugh, co-director of the Bradley University Center for the Study of Early Childhood Development. Television plays a big role in reinforcing stereotypes about gender behavior (if parents need another reason to limit TV, this is probably as good as any). It's easy for parents to overthink how they handle gender issues, but Gary Levy, director of the Infant Development Center at the University of Wyoming, says parents should rely on their instincts. "It's really just about being supportive about what your kid is doing," he says, even if your little girl wants to play with blocks or your son loves tea sets. In other words, nurture your child¹s nature.

GENDER ID

A strong influence on behavior comes from the gender children identify with. They can tell the difference early: 6 Months: Can tell men from women, seen from head to toe 10 Months: Can tell men from women by face alone 2 TO 2 1/2 Years: Can correctly label pictures of boys and girls 2 TO 3 Years: Can usually label their own gender and place pictures of themselves in the correct gender group.

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Philips County was founded on May 1, 1820 along the eastern edge of Arkansas with the Mississippi River as its border. The first residents relied on fur-trading and hunting for their livelihood, but as time passed, the rich soil and lush forests produced an economy based on cotton and timber.

The county is often called the "gateway to the Mississippi Delta." The economy is still largely agrarian, but the largest employer is the school system. Towns are isolated, unemployment is high and poverty (38% according to the U.S. Census) is rampant. The population is 26,000; 59 percent of the residents are African American.

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BETHEL ISLAND — A woman was critically injured after crashing her off-road motorcycle into a tree Tuesday afternoon.

Mary Williams, 54, of Bethel Island, hit the tree and then was thrown from the motorcycle onto jagged rocks that line a levee, according to the California Highway Patrol. Alcohol is believed to have been a factor in the crash, Officer Tom Maguire said.

The collision occurred at 4:40 p.m. along Riverview Drive, a raised levee access road. Witnesses told police that Williams was speeding and driving in laps in the area. She was not wearing a helmet, Maguire said.

As she made a left turn onto Riverview from another levee road, she accelerated, took the turn too wide and ran head-on into a tree. She suffered major injuries.

She was taken by helicopter to John Muir Medical Center in Walnut Creek.

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The East County Boys & Girls Club has a new roommate.

The Pittsburg school district recently amended a lease agreement with the youth organization, transferring ownership of the building to the district. The deal allows the Pittsburg Adult Education Center use of the Albert D. Seeno Community Resource Building during school hours, evenings and weekends, with the Boys & Girls Club continuing to offer after-school tutoring and recreation programs.

The decision came after months of negotiations, including a proposal by a group of private investors who operate Concord's Community Youth Center to merge and create an East County version of the CYC at the Stoneman Avenue site.

As part of the lease agreement, the Adult Education Center will pay $50,000 to the Boys & Girls Club to use the facility until 2035 — the duration of the contract. More important, Adult Education will fund upkeep and day-to-day operations of the bedraggled building, helping

the financially strapped Boys & Girls Club, district officials said.

"It relieves a huge burden for them, and allows them to focus their efforts solely on their programs and continuing to help our kids," district trustee Vince Ferrante said.

Boys & Girls Club Executive Director Robert Cleveland said it will be much easier not having to worry about such expenses as utilities. The club is funded by donations, facility rental and grant money — all three
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of which can fluctuate.

The Adult Education Center will move out of modular classrooms into the building — allowing the program of 12,000 adults to grow. The move is set to take place April 1.

Future district budget cuts will not affect funding, said Superintendent Barbara Wilson, noting that money for building improvement and repair would come from Adult Education's budget, which is separate from the district's.

"Really, the only ongoing costs the district will have to worry about are maintenance costs," Wilson said.

The building needs roof, air conditioning and handicap accessibility repairs. Adult Education is responsible for construction and major maintenance, Principal Bob Beck said.

The new arrangement will include creation of a training academy for health occupations that will be more affordable than a private institution offering the same education, Beck said. A conference room with modern technology also will be available, he said.

Two Pittsburg school district officials will sit on the Boys & Girls Club board as part of the deal. "We hope to make it a real jewel again and a community resource everyone can use," Beck said.

Before the deal with the district, the Boys & Girls Club sought partnerships to stabilize the program with Martinez Boys & Girls Club and Concord's Community Youth Center, board President Peter Garcia said. Funding for the Pittsburg club has been tough to come by, he said, reflecting a trend among Boys & Girls Clubs nationwide.

The club resorted to renting out the building for fundraisers that sold alcohol, which is prohibited in the new deal.

Discussions to integrate the Community Youth Center and Boys & Girls Club started in 2007, and a deal was reached in early 2008 with the help of a third-party mediator, Garcia said.

That deal would have adopted the Community Youth Center program model, including allowing drop-ins, providing scholarships to children with financial needs, and continuing after-school programs. The Community Youth Center would have assumed the club's financial obligations and taken over the lease.

Superintendent Wilson said the Boys & Girls Club came to the district with a "change to their lease to essentially substitute CYC." However, it wasn't in the district's or the taxpayers' interest to move away from a public organization that offers academic support and tutoring to a private entity whose sole purpose is recreation, she said.

Eventually, the idea was hatched to bring in Adult Education. The Boys & Girls Club board went with that offer after figuring the Community Youth Center proposal "either stalled or was dead," Garcia said.

"(With the Adult Education deal) we came up with a partnership that would keep the Boys & Girls Club solvent and continue educational support for children while expanding learning opportunities to the broader community," Wilson said.

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This research document is part of the implementation of the policy "Girls and Boys, Women and Men in Scouting" adopted by the World Scout Conference in 1999. It is a pilot study for future educational follow-up of the strategic priority 'Girls and Boys, Women and Men' established in 2002 by the World Scout Conference.

The study presented in this report was conducted by Professor Harriet Bjerrum Nielsen, from the Centre for Women's Studies and Gender Research at the University of Oslo, in collaboration with Scout leaders from different countries who worked as research assistants.

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World Scientific Congress
Education And World Scout Movement: Experiences And Challenges
Geneva 16 – 17 November 2007

One hundred years after its founding, the World Organization of the Scout Movement decided to examine it’s practices, methods and pedagogy. A Scientific Congress was planned within the framework of the centennial celebrations and took place in Geneva, on 16 and 17 November 2007.

This document aims to give a first glimpse of the Congress before the “Proceedings” are published.

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For over a hundred years, Scouting has been making a real contribution to creating a better world by helping young people to develop their full potential as individuals and to play a constructive role in society. However, Scouting can only have a real impact as a social force if it is able to attract and retain young people - and supporting adults - long enough to really make a difference.

As a voluntary Movement, young people must make a conscious decision to join and to stay. It is therefore unrealistic to assume that Scouting will appeal to all young people. However, there are many more young people – and supporting adults - who would enjoy and benefit from Scouting than we currently serve.

While the growth of our Movement is ultimately the result of delivering high-quality Scouting, haphazard growth is not sustainable. The factors affecting the growth and development of associations vary from one country to another, but, whatever the situation, offering better Scouting to more young people requires a strategic focus.

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The World Adult Resources Handbook is to help National Scout Organizations design and operate a system for the management, training and development of adult leaders in all functions and at all levels of the Movement. It has been produced by the World Adult Resources Committee. The handbook includes the relevant sections from the earlier International Training Handbook, as well as more recent World Scout Bureau publications on "Adults in Scouting" and "Adult Resource Management". The 2005 edition replaces the 2002 edition. All chapters have been revised and a new section with training modules has been added.

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This is a report of research commissioned by the World Scout Research and Development Committee and conducted by independent researchers. It is based on three case studies involving Scouts aged 13-17 in the U.K., France and Belgium.

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A practical tool to introduce the concept of 'Adults in Scouting' in an association.
The booklet presents a series of session plans.
Each session plan explores a specific aspect of the subject.

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A reference document containing the full text of WOSM's Policy on Adult Resources as adopted by the 33rd World Scout Conference in Bangkok, 1993.

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The Renewed Approach to Programme (RAP) is a new approach in developing youth programmes. It is the approach that the National Scout Organisations are advised to use in order to update or improve their youth programme. The RAP Toolbox describes the World Programme Policy and introduces the Renewed Approach to Programme in a very simple and comprehensive way.

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The Green Island is a story telling how a National Youth Programme Committee uses the Renewed Approach to Programme (RAP) to update their youth programme. It needs to be read in conjunction with the RAP Toolbox (see below). It provides complementary information on the Renewed Approach to Programme and can be used as a case study to achieve a better understanding of RAP.

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For all Scout leaders worldwide. Its purpose is to recall the basics of Scouting to all those who take inspiration from the Scout Method for contributing to the development of children and adolescents.

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- What is the value of co-education?
- Mixing the unit but not the patrols?
- Significant attitude differences
- Allowing girls to join?
- Sexual issues

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Q - I am debating the argument of co-education is best and I have to show some pros and cons of the situation. I was just wondering if you could give me a list of pro that co-education is best. What is the value of co-education?

A - Many people think that the simple fact of having boys and girls in the same group gives added value in terms of education. However this is not always true. Having boys and girls in the same group is not sufficient in itself. If you want to educate young people successfully, you need to have precise educational aims, or objectives, and appropriate methods to achieve them. Educating boys and girls means helping them to grow and acquire knowledge, skills and attitudes in order to take their place in adult society.

One can distinguish two main attitudes regarding the situation of men and and women in society:

1. Gender Complementarity: some people think that men and women are radically different and should play complementary roles in society. According to this perspective, educators have to prepare boys for male roles in adult society and girls for female roles in adult society. Also, both boys and girls should be educated to respect each other and accept their complementary roles.

2. Gender equality: other people think that there are no fundamental differences between males and females, or more exactly that differences between individuals are bigger than gender differences. According to this perspective, boys and girls should not be closed into pre-determined gender roles. Educators should do their best to help each individual, whatever his or her gender, to develop his/her full potential. Young people should be educated in order to be able to challenge gender prejudices and to co-operate between boys and girls on an equal footing.

The gender complementarity perspective is still prevalent in some societies (Southern Europe, Latin America, Arab countries, etc.) whilst the perspective of gender equality seems to be prevalent in countries like USA, Northern and Western Europe, etc. In the 19th century, gender complementarity was the dominant ideology. It was believed that men and women had different natures and had to play very different roles in society. Women had to stay at home and take care of domestic tasks, while men had to work outside the home.

Two different educational systems were set up: one for boys, with the aim of preparing them for male roles and one for girls, with the aim of preparing them for female roles. Of course, behind the idea of complementary roles there was also an idea of "hierarchy": to be brief, men had the power and women had second roles; men were active in society and women stayed at home. Today, this is still the case in many countries or families.

At the beginning, the idea of practising co-education was linked to the aim of challenging this hierarchy and the unequal sharing of responsibilities between men and women in the society. Coeducation was practised by those promoting the "gender equality perspective". However, in reality, those who practise co-education often forget this perspective, or consider it so "normal" that it is no longer necessary to pay attention to it. As a result, the old idea of hierarchy between men and women has returned and influences educators' behaviour.

Recent research undertaken by the World Organisation of the Scout Movement in co-operation with the University of Oslo shows that in "co-educated" groups girls' skills are systematically "underrated" compared with boys' skills. This means that even in "co-educated" groups, adult leaders - men and women - tend to reproduce the old gender hierarchy and division of roles between males and females. For example, it seems "normal" for boys to do "hard" work such as chopping wood, while girls wash dishes. Of course, at the same time, chopping wood is valued (a male task requiring strength and energy) whereas washing dishes is viewed as a boring task requiring very few skills and qualities).

Similar research conducted in schools, shows that teachers unconsciously interact more with boys and underrate girls'skills. This is why some female educators, concerned by the need to prepare girls better to challenge gender prejudices and achieving gender equality, now propose and promote single-sex schools rather than "co-ed" schools.

Therefore, you can see that co-education in itself is not sufficient. Recently the World Scout Conference (gathering the leaders of all National Scout Organisations) approved a "policy on girls and boys, women and men in Scouting", with a clear commitment:

- to the fulfilment of its educational purpose: to contribute to the education of young people, females and males, as equals and on the basis of the needs and aspirations of each individual

- to the principles of equal opportunities and equal partnership

- to reach, in societies where mixed gender relations are the norm, a situation where gender equality is a reality in terms of youth programme, adult resources, management and all other aspects of the Movement at all its levels.

In order to progress in this direction, we have to review all our educational programmes and develop more appropriate tools than just a vague idea of "co-education". We are progressing step by step. For example, six years ago the first woman was elected to the World Scout Committee and this year, for the first time, the new elected chairman of the World Scout Committee is a woman. I hope I have answered your question.

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Q - I'm a Scout leader, and here, there's no group that uses the coeducational Scout system (mixed troops and/or patrols with boys and girls) which is used in many countries. I've made some tests during 6 months with my troop obtaining excellent results by just mixing the troops but not the patrols. Am I doing anything wrong? Where can I get more info about coeducation around the world? Please also let me know if there is any psychological problem for the boys/girls doing activities in this system?

A - I guess that your Scouts are aged from 11-15. Am I right? If it is the case, this is an age where young people are trying to build up their identity (due to the many changes they have to face at this age: puberty, physical growth, new stage of intellectual development, enlargement of their social background, etc.).

Therefore, we can often observe a spontaneous sexual segregation at this age: boys want to be with boys and girls want to be with girls. Young people feel the need to be with peers of the same gender in order to share common issues, problems and explore their gender identity. Therefore, it is good to provide them with the opportunity to have both mixed activities and activities with peers from the same gender.

The patrol system allows this opportunity: you can have boys' patrols and girls' patrols acting separately but also co-operating with each other on a regular basis.

I don't think that by using such an organisation you can create psychological problems among young people provided that you maintain an atmosphere of genuine co-operation and equality between boys and girls. Take care to prevent excessive competition among patrols, particularly if it is based on gender prejudices ("Boys are stupid!"; "Girls should take care of cooking and stay home...", etc.).

Scout leaders should understand that there is a difference between co-education and just mixing young people of different genders. It is not by putting boys and girls in the same group that you will achieve good co-education. Co-education means giving the opportunity to both boys and girls to learn from each other, discover that they have equal dignity, and learn how to co-operate on an equal footing. Co-education is a good thing if you have clear educational objectives.

The World Scout Bureau is currently undertaking a research project on gender, in co-operation with the Eurasia Scout Region and the European Scout Region, under the guidance of Professor Harriet Bjerrum-Nielsen, from the University of Oslo.

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Q - My country has had girls in Scouts for some time and in some sections they form a majority. In my Troop boys dominate in numbers and in positions although we are about to have our first female APLs for some years.

Until 12 months ago the Troop had been all male for a couple of years. PLs do choose their APLs and are expected to do so on merit and ability to get along with their APL. There are significant attitude differences. Females decide on participation in an activity after they have checked which are their friends are interested, the males decide to participate then see who is going.

Do you have any ideas why this might be? There also seems an issue of critical mass. Once girls comprise around 40% or more the dynamics of the group change and there is more interest in traditional female type things. Again I would be interested in knowing why?

In January 2001 we had our national jamboree. I led a Troop of 36 Scouts, 29 boys and 7 girls. PLs and APLs selected on merits and some patrols were of mixed gender. Each patrol had its own tent with boys and girls sharing the same tent (six in a 14ft x 14 ft tent). The tents had provision for a privacy divider with each patrol making the decision about how it was used. This worked well and each Scout knew that they were being trusted to behave in accordance with their law and promise. There were no breaches of this trust and girls accepted the leaders insistence on being escorted to/from their destination by our male Scouts going out at night.

This seemed to work well for us and parents were aware of our intentions. Do you have any views on the issue?

A - Thank you for sharing your interesting experiences with me. Many national Scout associations have been open to both boys and girls for years. However, the Scout Movement, in general, is just starting to reflect on the respective needs of girls and boys and on the ways to develop our programmes in order to meet these respective needs better.

The World Scout Conference has approved a general policy on "Girls and Boys, Women and Men in Scouting", which you can download. In Scouting, every person should find equal opportunities for his/her personal development whatever her/his gender. Every boy or girl should be supported in order to develop her/his full potential without being limited to the traditional male and female roles in society.

Therefore, it is excellent that, in your troop, boys and girls have an equal opportunity to become patrol leaders. In many societies people are still suffering from gender prejudices which tend to keep girls and women in lower positions or provide them with fewer opportunities for personal development. Refusing full participation to 50% of the population is very detrimental to the development of the society and prevents the development of real democracy.

By offering boys and girls the opportunity to work and live together on an equal footing, Scouting contributes to challenging these prejudices and to changing the mentality of future men and women. According to human rights, both boys and girls should be equally respected in their dignity as a human being. For example, their intimacy should be respected and I agree fully with the arrangements you have taken for camping.

Even in the most developed societies, gender prejudices persist. In general, it is more difficult for a woman to accede to leadership responsibilities than for a man. For example, in Scouting, both at national or world levels, the proportion of women on decision-making bodies is still low: there are 2 women and 10 men among the elected members of the World Scout Committee. This is the main reason why many women want to keep a "Guide" organisation (different from the "Scout" organisation) at national and world levels.

We still have many efforts to do to change this situation. However, the desire to provide both girls and boys with equal opportunities should not make us forget that boys and girls have different needs. To be short, l would say that informal education provided to many girls, from an early age, makes them more effective than boys in social relations: they are better able to negotiate with others and reach an agreement. Boys are more encouraged to develop their assertiveness and ability to compete. Therefore, if we want Scouting to help boys and girls develop their full potential we should encourage girls to develop their assertiveness and ability to compete and help boys to be more effective in negotiation and relationships. Our programmes should be adapted in order to respond to the respective needs of boys and girls.

This is the reason why a research project is presently being undertaken in the European Scout Region and the Eurasia Scout Region, in co-operation with the University of Oslo, with the following objectives:

I: Gain knowledge about the implicit and explicit understanding of gender roles which underlies youth programme implementation Ü in situations where there is co-education and the understanding of gender equality may be based on ignoring or denying the significance of gender.

II: Find methods to change this to a more conscious practice of gender equality, which includes: 1) Ensuring that each individual is given opportunities to develop his or her personal identity and full potential despite gender role conventions; 2) Assisting each individual to free him or herself from gender stereotypes both in his or her self-conception and in the conception of others, and teaching individuals to co-operate on the basis of respect and equity.

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