What constitutes adultry?

3:10 AM

My marriage is OVER, I am just waiting for him to turn in the paperwork to the court to get a date. So there is this friend I have known for many years and I am sure he is interested. So I don't want to have sex until my divorce is final but how far is ok? My hormones say "all the way" but my morals say "your still married"?

You are still married, whether it's emotionally over or not. Thus, it *IS* adultry! Period. No if's and's or but's.
[/quote">

So what?

(No disrespect meant, bkg, but I feel very differently about this issue...)

It is certainly true that you may not be emotionally ready to deal with having sex with someone this soon after your breakup--but that is a separate issue from the question of whether it is morally acceptable to have sex with someone with still legally married.

My belief has always been that the only meaningful moral guidepost is the question "would this action cause harm to anyone"? If the answer is yes, then you have to ask yourself very seriously whether the pain or damage you'd be causing would be balanced by the good the action did in others ways. (For example, it might be morally correct to turn in a criminal, despite the fact that you might cause him or her to end up in jail, because you'd be protecting other people from his or her bad actions.)

But if the answer is no...the action wouldn't harm anyone...then is there really any meaningful moral reason not to do it? Broadly speaking, I think not.

Granted, this is grossly oversimplifying the very complex question of morals/ethics, but all in all I think it holds true.



Couple of things. First, I am very honest and blunt, so I apologize if you take any offense to waht I'm about to say.

You are still married, whether it's emotionally over or not. Thus, it *IS* adultry! Period. No if's and's or but's.

Also, your morals are MUCH more important than your hormones! The fact that you are struggling with this answers Pic's question: "are you ready?" I'd guess no.

Now is not the time to dive into another relationship, whether sexual or emotional. Take some time and heal. Everything that I've read suggests that the rebound breakup is harder than the divorce.
picadilly: Don't think of it as adultry. If you're correct & all your waiting for is the papers to be handed in, then think about it as "are you ready"? Your hormones may say one thing but what do your emotions say? How long have you been seperated? If it's less then a couple months, I would say your not ready to start a relationship this soon after. If this is purely for sex, then the choice is yours.

But if your thinking of starting a relationship, don't. Wait. If your not completely healed from the scars your marriage left you, you will ultimately make the same mistakes with this person. Chances are not good at any rate. But if this is just sex, remember that "just sex" can lead to emotional ties & a crutch you will lean on during your divorce.

And if it ultimately fails... you may lose a good friend, sometimes there is no going back once you cross that line.

Think before you do anything, & good luck.
After my X and I had seperated, I was with a friend of mine, a friend with whom I'd had a long time relationship with while HE was married although we hardly saw each other while I was married. We had never had sex before, until I was seperated from my husband. I do not look at that as adultery because the marriage was done and over. Papers we in the process of being filed. My X had 2 affairs while we were married. In RI you can not file on grounds of adultery, otherwise I would have! I think a lot of it depends on how you feel. These are just my thoughts. I hope you find them helpful