How Parents Raise Boys and Girls
2:47 AM
It's probably fair to say that John Colapinto has watched his infant son, Johnny, play with toys a little more closely than other fathers. After all, Colapinto was researching and writing "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl," when his son was born in December 1998.
THE BOOK, which became a best seller earlier this year [year 2000], is about Bruce Reimer, who lost his penis as the result of a botched circumcision in 1966 and was raised by his parents as a girl, on the advice of a sex researcher. As Bruce grew up he knew something was wrong with his life as Brenda, however, and he later reclaimed his male identity. Reimer¹s story is often cited in nature-versus-nurture debates as evidence that people are shaped more by their biology than by their environment.
So Colapinto was understandably curious about his own son's earliest expressions of boyishness. He and his wife, Donna, gave their baby a range of toys that included soft, cuddly playthings, as well as cars and planes. Colapinto tried not to stack the deck in any way, though he knew that parents, relatives and friends are always sending subtle signals to children. But, lo and behold, the first word Johnny said was "car." He was given a policewoman doll and was particularly curious about the gun at her side. And the first time he was able to pick up and play with a toy by himself, Johnny chose a plane and made engine noises as he looped the plane through figure eights in the air. In Colapinto's eyes, his son was confirming what he learned while researching his book that much of what makes boys and girls behave the way they do is hard-wired. Says Colapinto: "Clearly it's a reality."
Many parents would agree. Most little boys do play and act so differently from most little girls, and do so from such an early age, that it's only natural for parents to conclude that gender differences reflect something innate and biological rather than the influences of the cultural surround. Freud fueled the notion that biology is destiny, and then the pendulum swung in the other direction in the 1960s and 1970s, as many academics including John Money, a renowned sex researcher who advised Bruce Reimer¹s parents started believing that nurture held the upper hand, and that a person's sexual identity is made not born. Although it can seem these days as if the Zeitgeist is pushing the pendulum back to nature's side mapping the human genome, for instance, brings almost daily pronouncements about how DNA determines the course of our lives in fact, scientists generally agree that gender-specific behavior is a complicated mix of both nature and nurture.
A large and growing body of research shows that there are some behavioral differences between very young boys and girls, but they are relatively small, particularly in light of the wide variations of behavior within each gender. Accordingly, many experts in child development say that parents should provide their children with a range of experiences beyond those that are gender-stereotypical. Many of the behavioral differences between boys and girls are in the eye of the beholder, after all. Adults describe newborn boys and girls very differently, according to a widely cited study in 1974. It showed that parents, especially fathers, generally described newborn girls as softer, finer-featured, smaller, weaker and more delicate than boys (a follow-up study in 1995 also found evidence of gender-stereotyped perceptions). As children get older, parents, especially fathers, reinforce gender roles by encouraging activities and play with toys that are gender-specific. Parents talk more to their young daughters, give them less autonomy and encourage them to help others, while encouraging boys from an early age to express certain types of emotions but not others, like fearfulness. In the famous (among scientists) "Baby X" studies in the 1970s and 1980s, researchers introduced to parents infants who were "disguised" a baby boy in a pink dress, for example. Then the scientists observed how the adults treated the baby. When they thought the baby was a girl, they brought "her" dolls; with a supposed boy, they brought "him" a truck. "It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because adults treat the kids so differently even when they're not aware of it," says Phyllis Katz of the Institute for Research on Social Problems in Boulder, Colorado. "It's hard to disentangle the part that¹s really there from the adult's socialization of the kids."
Your Child: Birth to Three.
Researchers have found differences, though. Michael Lewis, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, believes that both nature and nurture play a role in a child¹s development. But he noted that one study has shown that when a barrier is placed between 1-year-olds and something they want, young boys are apt to try to knock down the barrier, while girls are more likely to seek help from their mothers. "I don't want to say boys are active and girls are passive," says Lewis. "It's more that girls are active in a social sense and boys are active in an autonomous sense. Although biological reasons may account for some of these sex differences, it's very difficult to disentangle the effects of nature from nurture. Both are likely involved. We know that [people] behave differently as a result of a child's gender." Differences in behavior also tend to become magnified when children of the same gender play together in unstructured settings. Boys, for instance, often engage in higher-energy activities and show less compliance than girls, says Jeanne Brooks-Gunn of Columbia University¹s Teachers College.
Experts suggest that parents should be careful not to push their children too strongly into gender-typical behavior. "By giving children opportunities to participate in all kinds of activities, you're going to wind up with children who have the freedom to choose what they¹re good at and like doing," says Claire Etaugh, co-director of the Bradley University Center for the Study of Early Childhood Development. Television plays a big role in reinforcing stereotypes about gender behavior (if parents need another reason to limit TV, this is probably as good as any). It's easy for parents to overthink how they handle gender issues, but Gary Levy, director of the Infant Development Center at the University of Wyoming, says parents should rely on their instincts. "It's really just about being supportive about what your kid is doing," he says, even if your little girl wants to play with blocks or your son loves tea sets. In other words, nurture your child¹s nature.
GENDER ID
A strong influence on behavior comes from the gender children identify with. They can tell the difference early: 6 Months: Can tell men from women, seen from head to toe 10 Months: Can tell men from women by face alone 2 TO 2 1/2 Years: Can correctly label pictures of boys and girls 2 TO 3 Years: Can usually label their own gender and place pictures of themselves in the correct gender group.
THE BOOK, which became a best seller earlier this year [year 2000], is about Bruce Reimer, who lost his penis as the result of a botched circumcision in 1966 and was raised by his parents as a girl, on the advice of a sex researcher. As Bruce grew up he knew something was wrong with his life as Brenda, however, and he later reclaimed his male identity. Reimer¹s story is often cited in nature-versus-nurture debates as evidence that people are shaped more by their biology than by their environment.
So Colapinto was understandably curious about his own son's earliest expressions of boyishness. He and his wife, Donna, gave their baby a range of toys that included soft, cuddly playthings, as well as cars and planes. Colapinto tried not to stack the deck in any way, though he knew that parents, relatives and friends are always sending subtle signals to children. But, lo and behold, the first word Johnny said was "car." He was given a policewoman doll and was particularly curious about the gun at her side. And the first time he was able to pick up and play with a toy by himself, Johnny chose a plane and made engine noises as he looped the plane through figure eights in the air. In Colapinto's eyes, his son was confirming what he learned while researching his book that much of what makes boys and girls behave the way they do is hard-wired. Says Colapinto: "Clearly it's a reality."
Many parents would agree. Most little boys do play and act so differently from most little girls, and do so from such an early age, that it's only natural for parents to conclude that gender differences reflect something innate and biological rather than the influences of the cultural surround. Freud fueled the notion that biology is destiny, and then the pendulum swung in the other direction in the 1960s and 1970s, as many academics including John Money, a renowned sex researcher who advised Bruce Reimer¹s parents started believing that nurture held the upper hand, and that a person's sexual identity is made not born. Although it can seem these days as if the Zeitgeist is pushing the pendulum back to nature's side mapping the human genome, for instance, brings almost daily pronouncements about how DNA determines the course of our lives in fact, scientists generally agree that gender-specific behavior is a complicated mix of both nature and nurture.
A large and growing body of research shows that there are some behavioral differences between very young boys and girls, but they are relatively small, particularly in light of the wide variations of behavior within each gender. Accordingly, many experts in child development say that parents should provide their children with a range of experiences beyond those that are gender-stereotypical. Many of the behavioral differences between boys and girls are in the eye of the beholder, after all. Adults describe newborn boys and girls very differently, according to a widely cited study in 1974. It showed that parents, especially fathers, generally described newborn girls as softer, finer-featured, smaller, weaker and more delicate than boys (a follow-up study in 1995 also found evidence of gender-stereotyped perceptions). As children get older, parents, especially fathers, reinforce gender roles by encouraging activities and play with toys that are gender-specific. Parents talk more to their young daughters, give them less autonomy and encourage them to help others, while encouraging boys from an early age to express certain types of emotions but not others, like fearfulness. In the famous (among scientists) "Baby X" studies in the 1970s and 1980s, researchers introduced to parents infants who were "disguised" a baby boy in a pink dress, for example. Then the scientists observed how the adults treated the baby. When they thought the baby was a girl, they brought "her" dolls; with a supposed boy, they brought "him" a truck. "It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because adults treat the kids so differently even when they're not aware of it," says Phyllis Katz of the Institute for Research on Social Problems in Boulder, Colorado. "It's hard to disentangle the part that¹s really there from the adult's socialization of the kids."
Your Child: Birth to Three.
Researchers have found differences, though. Michael Lewis, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, believes that both nature and nurture play a role in a child¹s development. But he noted that one study has shown that when a barrier is placed between 1-year-olds and something they want, young boys are apt to try to knock down the barrier, while girls are more likely to seek help from their mothers. "I don't want to say boys are active and girls are passive," says Lewis. "It's more that girls are active in a social sense and boys are active in an autonomous sense. Although biological reasons may account for some of these sex differences, it's very difficult to disentangle the effects of nature from nurture. Both are likely involved. We know that [people] behave differently as a result of a child's gender." Differences in behavior also tend to become magnified when children of the same gender play together in unstructured settings. Boys, for instance, often engage in higher-energy activities and show less compliance than girls, says Jeanne Brooks-Gunn of Columbia University¹s Teachers College.
Experts suggest that parents should be careful not to push their children too strongly into gender-typical behavior. "By giving children opportunities to participate in all kinds of activities, you're going to wind up with children who have the freedom to choose what they¹re good at and like doing," says Claire Etaugh, co-director of the Bradley University Center for the Study of Early Childhood Development. Television plays a big role in reinforcing stereotypes about gender behavior (if parents need another reason to limit TV, this is probably as good as any). It's easy for parents to overthink how they handle gender issues, but Gary Levy, director of the Infant Development Center at the University of Wyoming, says parents should rely on their instincts. "It's really just about being supportive about what your kid is doing," he says, even if your little girl wants to play with blocks or your son loves tea sets. In other words, nurture your child¹s nature.
GENDER ID
A strong influence on behavior comes from the gender children identify with. They can tell the difference early: 6 Months: Can tell men from women, seen from head to toe 10 Months: Can tell men from women by face alone 2 TO 2 1/2 Years: Can correctly label pictures of boys and girls 2 TO 3 Years: Can usually label their own gender and place pictures of themselves in the correct gender group.