Answer
4:37 AM
Hello,
I have found that the key to beginning to repair a relationship damaged by adultery starts with:
1) the affair ending. That include ALL contact. No stopping by to say hi. No sending text messages. No emails. Nothing.
2) being totally honest.
You can't heal if you are constantly being rewounded. The cheater needs to show some sincerity behind the words "I want to work on this." That HAS to include ending the affair.
But that is just the first step. Trust has been severely damaged. As long as she continues to lie and be deceptive, you can't have any peace of mind. Honesty may bring more hurt initially because you may find out things you didn't know, but eventually it builds trust because you know that you can work through things, you can confide in each other, and that you will be where you say you are.
Counseling can certainly help- IF YOU FIND THE RIGHT COUNSELOR. Not every counselor agrees with your view of the problem and how to best tackle it, so if you agree to seek counseling, interview the counselor first and find out what his/her approach will be. Know that it USUALLY will get worse before it gets better and hang in there.
Good luck,
Laura Giles
I have found that the key to beginning to repair a relationship damaged by adultery starts with:
1) the affair ending. That include ALL contact. No stopping by to say hi. No sending text messages. No emails. Nothing.
2) being totally honest.
You can't heal if you are constantly being rewounded. The cheater needs to show some sincerity behind the words "I want to work on this." That HAS to include ending the affair.
But that is just the first step. Trust has been severely damaged. As long as she continues to lie and be deceptive, you can't have any peace of mind. Honesty may bring more hurt initially because you may find out things you didn't know, but eventually it builds trust because you know that you can work through things, you can confide in each other, and that you will be where you say you are.
Counseling can certainly help- IF YOU FIND THE RIGHT COUNSELOR. Not every counselor agrees with your view of the problem and how to best tackle it, so if you agree to seek counseling, interview the counselor first and find out what his/her approach will be. Know that it USUALLY will get worse before it gets better and hang in there.
Good luck,
Laura Giles
